Today I post with a very heavy heart. And in true Croni fashion I will apologize to my Mother for the title of this post. But I mean it with every fiber of my being.
As some of my readers may well remember, at CF22 we did a fundrasier for Alex Terry. A courageous young YOUNG man battling cancer. Today this valiant soldier lost his fight. I LOVE LOVE THIS PICTURE that his Mom posted of him. I signed one of those capes and this picture just touches my heart!
This week my son turned 22. He is happy, healthy with a wife and a child on the way. I can't even begin to imagine not having the moments I have been able to have with him. My heart is so heavy for Alex's sweet Mom. That her moments with him ended so prematurely. Tears me up inside. So thankful for moments like this. I love this kid so much. And couldnt imagine being without him.
I remember when my brother passed away. Although it wasn't cancer related I remember just thinking over and over again how a parent should never have to bury a child. EVER.
In the past few weeks here is how cancer has impacted my daily life.
1. A former employee/co-worker of mine finds out he has cancer, melanoma. 16 tumors on the brain and on the lungs and liver as well.
2. A co worker quietly passes from cancer that she learned she had maybe just over a year ago.
3. Alex passed today.
Today, I am grateful for many things but what I am most grateful for is my strong upbringing in a faith that helps me to understand life and death. I don't feel like even being funny tonight but yes people, just because I dont go to church and such doesn't mean I have turned my back COMPLETELY on my faith.
Today I have to hold strong to my family and friends and good health. It doesn't take something this tragic to make me realize how truly blessed I am. Everyday I wake up and breathe - as my Pops always says...I woke up today and I still have 2 arms and 2 legs. And I am thankful.
I get so mad when I think and hear about cancer. It has impacted and affected us all in some way. And what is so infuriating..we can't do SHIT about it. To be honest. Inside my little fairy dream..I had hoped that if all of these strong CrossFit athletes got together and we wodded then maybe just maybe God could possibly show sweet Alex just a little mercy. But that was not the case. Regardless of how hard we all worked and how just God truly is...thinking we could conquer cancer with a wod..well was MY dream. But reality has been kicking my ass the past few weeks. I have a pretty good grasp on how blessed I am. And I have been trying so hard to not get caught up on the little daily things that seem to irritate me...a work in progress.
We all grieve different ways. Today I was a little overcome. So many emotions when my brother shared a text with me today that Garrett Smith recieved from Alex's Father. It was more than I could take. I am not some super huge crier and I ABSOLUTELY try not to wear my heart on my sleeve-I try and act like I am so damn tough...but inside..I am a marshmellow ESPECIALLY when it comes to family matters. And I am super happy that no one at work noticed the tears just flowing from the mean girl today.
Something I did today that maybe eased the pain just a little. I coach at CF22 on Thursdays. Its a crazy wierd class to coach because it is open gym but today was so fun. I felt the need to do something ANYTHING to calm my troubled heart and mind. So before we started the clock, we had a minute of silence for the Terry family. It felt great to stop for a moment and just reflect.
In closing I want to share what was posted on the Angels for Alex Facebook page today (hope this was ok to share, I simply couldn't help it)... get some tissue. You will need it!
Hold your loved ones closer tonight than you ever have-and not to be cliche' but tomorrow certainly is never promised...
"Today we lost our brave Alex. We thought we had a little more time but today we witnessed a miracle. Not the miracle we wanted from the beginning but the one we have been praying for of late. That he would go peacefully, not in pain before the horrible tumor attacks his senses and leaves him trapped. He knew it was close. He spent his last night with his mother stroking his cheek. As he sat on the couch this morning he asked for everyone to be with him. He called his little brother Charlie over, kissed him and gave him his beloved blanket. He handed his medicine back to his mother instead of taking it like he always does. He looked ahead at something we couldn't see and went to sleep peacefully. It was too soon and not what we expected but it is a blessing. Angels were with him and now they rejoice at his homecoming. We love you Alex and will carry you with us always. You went from being my son to becoming my hero."
Joni-
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. I didn't know Alex very well, but I feel very affected by his passing. I participated in the fundraiser and in that very small encounter, I knew that he was very special. Sometimes I think that people like Alex are here on earth to make a huge impact in a small amount of time. Alex did just that. Alex and his family have altered my life in just that brief encounter and I am so grateful for Angels, like Alex that God puts on earth to lead us to do better, to be better and to live stronger.
Be strong, I have been in the same kind of situation before and all I did was to pray and do everything that needs to be done. I also have seizures before and every attack feels hell. I pray for more strength. Me and my cancer alternative treatment centers likes your blog so much. Keep sharing!
ReplyDelete